Be A Better Human: Self-Growth in a Post-College World

Post-grad life is radically different from life as a student in many ways, none of which I was the least bit prepared to deal with upon graduating college and becoming a real person.

From kindergarten all the way through college, our lives were rigorously structured by classes, extracurricular activities, school assignments, and organized events. These stimulating experiences made us smarter, taught us important skills, and provided valuable life lessons on a daily basis.

We were surrounded by our peers pretty much all the time. In college we lived within a 1 mile radius of all our best friends. But despite these distractions, deadlines for homework assignments, test dates, and parents/teacher disciplinarians forced us to have our shit together and actually accomplish things.

Now, our lives are pretty much the opposite of that. Outside of work, our days lack established structure and our weekends are totally free. We don't have nearly as many easy opportunities for stimulation and growth. Our friends have moved away, and hanging out with people isn't always very convenient.  

When structure and stimuli and friends and deadlines are removed from our lives, most of us choose the path of least resistance. We start watching a lot of Netflix and dedicate a large amount of time to scrolling through our Instagram feeds. Because no one is forcing us to do anything anymore and there are no set goals to achieve, we waste a lot of time on things that are easy and don't require investment but also don't improve us. And thus, we stagnate.

For some of us, we don't even know what we should be working towards.  For others, there are a lot of things we want to do and theoretically could do with all our free time.  I should exercise more.  I should read more.  I want to reconnect with my high school friends.  It would be cool to join a band.  If only I could get a career in graphic design.

We vaguely wish these things would happen, but we don't do anything to make them happen because we don't have accountability or a sense of urgency. Without those, we don't know how to act on our wishes - because we've never learned how.

In our post-grad life, no one will teach us how to be proactive people or how to make effective use of our time. It isn't really part of our culture to actively pursue personal development. Our culture tells us that to succeed, we should have a career others approve of, marry a respectable person, and make money to buy enough things to reassure ourselves that we are indeed successful, and if we do those things we're good to go.

I'll be the first to admit that I've been stagnating since college graduation. I feel like I'm not growing as much as I should be and that I'm wasting my days away, and that scares me.

Because despite society's vapid definition of success, I firmly believe that life should be a constant path towards greater wisdom and growth, towards being a better human. To me, that’s the whole point of life.

But how do we become better people? Where do we even start?

Luckily, I read a great book (you've probably heard of it) that breaks this concept down in a brilliant way. It first talks about how to be a proactive person.

Remember all the things we said we wanted to do with our time?

Check out the language that Reactive Randy tends to use.  "I should", "I can't", "if only", "I wish", "it'd be cool to" are phrases a lot of us throw around.  But these phrases are bullshit, because they indicate that we're not in control of our own lives.  We do not act, we're only acted upon.  Reactive people can go their entire lives letting laziness, circumstance, feelings, and environment dictate everything they do and do not do. 

What we have to realize is that we are responsible for our own lives.  We have the initiative and the ability to make things happen for ourselves.  And by understanding this and working on ourselves, working on what we have control over, we can influence our circumstances. 

Proactive Peeta (my YA Fictional crush) is a badass - he refuses to fall victim to circumstance.  If you found out you were being sent to the Hunger Games - a battle to the death with 23 other people - you'd probably feel helpless.  But Peeta focused on what was in his control and acted accordingly.  He charmed rich donors so they'd sponsor him in the arena, and he worked out to put himself in top physical shape.  He also knew that even though the Gamemakers had control over whether he lived or died, they couldn't control his response to his predicament - he refused to let the horror of battle compromise his character and pledged to die as himself. -end nerdy analogy-

Okay, cool. Now we know how to be proactive - but how do we figure out what it is we even want to work towards?

That book you should totally read suggests we first understand our deepest values. By knowing what we stand for - the uncompromisable beliefs at the core of our identity - we can figure out our long-term goals and start living every day in accordance with these.

The book says the best way to figure out what you value is to visualize your funeral and actually write out the eulogy you'd want someone to say about you. At the end of your life, what is it you would want to have accomplished and been known for? A little morbid, yes, but super effective for putting things into perspective and realizing what's actually important to you. I strongly recommend that everyone partake in this exercise.

After writing some eulogies and thinking hard about the person I want to be, I realized a bunch of things about myself and created a personal mission statement that outlines my values and life priorities. It's a work in progress, but here's what I have so far.

1.  I will dedicate my life and career to making a meaningful contribution to this world. 

 2.  I will inspire people to be brave, vibrant, selfless, committed, and honest.  These are the things I want to be, so I will always choose these behaviors and teach others these qualities whenever I can. 

 3.  I will remember that love is a verb, and I will love my friends and family by prioritizing them, doing nice things for them, and connecting with them on a meaningful level.  

4.  I will practice empathic listening.  I will seek to understand others’ perspectives by:           

-Reserving judgment until I get the whole picture.
-Rephrasing their words and trying to capture their feelings.
-Refraining from saying "I" and talking about myself as a response.

5.  I will be a proactive person that acts, and is not acted upon by:  

-Setting goals and keeping commitments to myself and others.
-Working within my Circle of Influence (the things I can control).
-Creating more and consuming less.  

6.  I will continually invest in my self-growth through the following: 

-Physical: Eating healthy and exercising 5 days a week.
-Mental: Reading 1 new book every 2 weeks.       
-Creative: Writing and drawing in this blog twice a month.  

7.  I will recognize that every moment on this earth is a precious gift.  I will never take my time here for granted.

From now on, I'll be holding myself accountable to these values and goals.  I'm actually already starting to work on several of these and I'm stoked to share my progress here in the coming months.

This was one of my more serious blog posts - a pretty weird contrast from serial-dating pie charts - but hopefully it resonates with some of you.  This adulting thing is starting to get REAL but I am up for the challenge and I know y'all are too. 
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If you thought this mildly interesting, check this post out too: 

Seven Things That Will Happen To You Post-Graduation