Why Yes, I Would Love to Plant Squashes With You

I don’t think I’m very good at finding roommates on Craigslist. 

As of right now, my options are a 35 year old guy who is trying to find a squash partner (I was so confused by this. At first I thought it was slang for “casual mid-thirties sex” and then I considered that he might literally be seeking a companion to plant squash into a garden with, and then I looked it up and realized squash is a sport), and a Cal student who says she will forbid me from drinking alcohol. 

I’m probably not going about this the right way:

About the space:
- you will be living with a female UC Berkeley student
- you are free to set up a divider for your own privacy in the living room
- no parties, drugs, alcohol, 420, etc.

I also mentioned in my first email to another Craigslist ad that JK Rowling has informed me that I’m a Ravenclaw.  Still learning the concept of "relevant information".

And then I found some Craigslist ads that seemed like they were written by really cool people, but since their apartment was too far/year lease only, I emailed them just to tell them I can’t live with them, but they sound like they’d be really chill to live with.

I don’t know what I’m doing… I’m sorry… I’m trying as hard as I can!  Please, please please let me find someone tolerant enough of my faults to take me in in this hard time…. I promise I’ll sing for you and I’ll even plant squashes in the garden whenever you want.