I Hate Alcohol

First it made me knock over my plant.  Face first onto the floor.  Face first?  Do plants have faces?  I tried scraping the dirt off the carpet, like cupping it in my hands, and transferring it to the pot but who the fuck is successful at that even when they’re sober.

Then it completely fucked me by making me set my alarm for 7:30PM instead of 7:30AM so I was an hour late to work but HONESTLY it didn’t matter because I would never be able to wake up at 7:30AM anyway.  Like, that wasn’t happening.

It’s 9:43AM and I’m still drunk.

I don’t even have enough energy to pull the lid off my yogurt, let alone go to a 10AM meeting.

I’m completely obsessed with our communications director but he is 36 and married, and I don’t think I can compete with his wife, and also he isn’t cute.  But if he looked like Justin Timberlake who knows what I might do.

I’m still drunk at 9:45AM.  Who the fuck am I

Tumblr is the only thing holding me to my sanity.  What does that mean? I don’t know.  All I know is that I am not puking or dying or sleeping at my desk because of Tumblr so thank you Tumblr and maybe you should use that in your next advertisement.

So, I’m sorry everyone.  I haven’t updated this thing for weeks and weeks and now after waiting for forever you guys get a shitty drunk post about absolutely nothing.  I guess we can’t be perfect, you know?

I’m such a loser.  Do real adults do this?  Do they get recklessly drunk on a Tuesday night and come to work drunk and consequently are unable to do anything but type a blog post about how drunk they are?  No. I will NEVER be an adult, ever.

I will delete this the moment I become sober.  Which isn’t yet, so enjoy.  Happy Wednesday!